All Bets Are Off Read online

  Special Praise for All Bets Are Off

  “. . . All Bets Are Off offers an honest, open, frank—and at times opinionated—personal reflection on the devastation and deception of the disease as it manifests in gamblers and as it impacts those who love them.

  “As a friend of Arnie’s and a career Employee Assistance Professional, I relished the role that Jerry—his new boss at Jonathan Logan Dresses—played in 1968 when he confronted Arnie about his gambling, pointed him in the direction of a twelve-step program, and ultimately set the wheels in motion for Arnie’s walk into the sunshine of recovery and his life of the past forty-six years free of the stranglehold of his gambling addiction—all the while with his beloved Sheila at his side. My hope is that All Bets Are Off may be the catalyst and way forward for many similar journeys.”

  Bernard E. Beidel, M.Ed., CEAP

  Director, Office of Employee Assistance

  US House of Representatives

  “All Bets Are Off exposes the raw reality of friends, relatives, colleagues, associates, fellow classmates, and just ordinary neighbors who get caught in the trap of addiction . . . gambling addiction. Denial, deception, depression, and delivery from thoughts of suicide stare you in the face when you read Arnie’s story. This is not for the weak of heart. It is real.”

  Stan Morrison

  Former Director of Intercollegiate Athletics

  University of California, Riverside 1999–2011

  “Steve Jacobson is what’s known in baseball and journalism as a seasoned pro, a man of credibility, conscience, and caring. Arnie Wexler? There’s a reason why, for the last thirty-five years, he has been the news media’s go-to guy on issues of addicted gambling: He has saved at least as many souls, including his own, as Mother Teresa.”

  Phil Mushnick

  Sports Columnist, NY Post

  “Arnie and Sheila Wexler had the courage to share their story to bring awareness of how problem gambling affects families. Decades have passed, but their story still rings true with many of the same familiar themes in the present-day lives of those afflicted by gambling. We learn and understand the effects of gambling and from this we can bring awareness and prevention; but most of all it gives a sense of hope that we can help, make positive strides, and be nonjudgmental.”

  Judge Cheryl Moss

  Las Vegas, Nevada

  “I have known Arnie Wexler for over twenty years. He is a kind and giving man whose story touches a nerve for anyone with an addictive personality. We all know someone who has reached his or her limit; Arnie fought his way back and lived to tell about what it takes to recover and reclaim your life.”

  Ian Eagle

  CBS Sports/YES Network/Westwood One Radio

  “Here, at last, is a testament that gives life to the idea that gambling is not a true addiction. Largely state-sanctioned gambling allows us to engage in high-risk behavior that we have come to see as an acceptable activity. It continues to grow. It has become an American industry to the point that we now believe in ‘family gambling’ as a good thing.

  “In this intensely personal story, Sheila and Arnie bring home the reality of the dangers inherent in gambling when it becomes an addiction. Gambling, by any and all measures, qualifies as a real medical problem. The more we encourage it the more addicts there will be. More importantly, Sheila and Arnie clearly offer a way out of the hopelessness that strikes at the heart of all addicts. Read this book. See if there is anyone you know and can lead on the way to recovery. This is an important treatise that finally brings this hidden problem to the public’s eye.”

  Allan Lans, DO, FASAM

  Assistant Professor in Psychiatry,

  Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons

  Director of the New York Mets Employee

  Assistance Program from 1985–2002

  “Just because something is legal, it is not necessarily good or safe. Alcohol is legal, and the misuse of alcohol is responsible for much human misery and humongous losses both in life and money. This is equally true of gambling. Many people are vulnerable to compulsive, addictive gambling, which has resulted in incalculable misery. The compulsion to gamble is one of the strongest drives, ruining families and leading to criminal acts to support the gambling habit. Gambling is not only tolerated socially, but is actually promoted politically. Children are very vulnerable to becoming addictive gamblers, and our culture is paving the way for them.

  “No one knows the ins and outs of compulsive gambling better than Arnie Wexler, who has helped literally thousands of people to break loose from this deadly addiction. Arnie has now shared his considerable experience in his book, All Bets Are Off.

  “This book is a must reading for everyone. The epidemic of compulsive gambling feeds on ignorance. The more we know about compulsive gambling, the more we can protect ourselves and our loved ones from this malignant condition.”

  Abraham J. Twerski, MD

  Medical Director Emeritus and Founder,

  Gateway Rehabilitation Center

  “I first met Arnie in Nevada in 2006 at a presentation I gave about sports books; he was my validation of my training! I was then fortunate to be a student of both Arnie and Sheila at another conference. I have the deepest respect and admiration for both of them, not only for the help they provide to people, but for allowing me to be both instructor and student.”

  Deneen L. Hernandez

  FBI Forensic Examiner

  Central Recovery Press (CRP) is committed to publishing exceptional materials addressing addiction treatment, recovery, and behavioral healthcare topics, including original and quality books, audio/visual communications, and web-based new media. Through a diverse selection of titles, we seek to contribute a broad range of unique resources for professionals, recovering individuals and their families, and the general public.

  For more information, visit www.centralrecoverypress.com.

  © 2014 by Arnie Wexler and Steve Jacobson

  All rights reserved. Published 2014.

  No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher.

  Publisher:

  Central Recovery Press

  3321 N. Buffalo Drive

  Las Vegas, NV 89129

  19 18 17 16 15 141 2 3 4 5

  ISBN: 978-1-937612-76-4 (e-book)

  Photo of Arnie and Sheila Wexler by Ivy Wexler. Used with permission.

  Photo of Steve Jacobson by Anita Jacobson. Used with permission.

  Gamblers Anonymous Twelve Steps printed with permission of Gamblers Anonymous International Service Office.

  The Twelve Steps of Gam-Anon have been reprinted and adapted from the original Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous with approval of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. The Gam-Anon Twelve Steps are approved by the Gam-Anon International Service Office, Inc. Permission of the International Service office (ISO) to reproduce the Steps in this volume does not imply affiliation with the writer or publisher. Gam-Anon has no opinion on any of the contents of this volume. Items in italics have been inserted by the writer and are not part of the Gam-Anon Steps.

  The Twelve Steps of Gamblers Anonymous and Gam-Anon, are adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (“AAWS”), and are reprinted with permission of Gamblers Anonymous and Gam-Anon. Permission to reprint Gamblers Anonymous and Gam-Anon Steps does not mean that AAWS has reviewed or approved the contents of this publication, or that AAWS necessarily agrees with the views expressed therein. Alcoholics Anonymous is a program of recovery from alcoholism only - use or permissible adaptation of A.A.’s Twelve Steps in connection with programs a
nd activities which are patterned after A.A., but which address other problems, or in any other non-A.A. context, does not imply otherwise.

  Publisher’s Note: This book contains general information about addiction, addiction recovery, and related matters. The information is not medical advice, and should not be treated as such. Central Recovery Press makes no representations or warranties in relation to the information in this book. If you have any specific questions about any medical matter discussed in this book, you should consult your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. This book is not an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider.

  Our books represent the experiences and opinions of their authors only. Every effort has been made to ensure that events, institutions, and statistics presented in our books as facts are accurate and up-to-date. To protect their privacy, the names of some of the people, places, and institutions in this book have been changed.

  Cover design by David Hardy

  Interior design and layout by Sara Streifel, Think Creative Design

  Dedicated to all who suffer from addiction to gambling and their family members who suffer with them. May you find the healing and hope of recovery.

  ARNIE AND SHEILA WEXLER

  To Anita, for her patience; to Mat, Susan, Neila, and Greg for urging me to write; to Delaney, Liam, and Foster—the next generation.

  To Arnie and Sheila, for great insight—and to Sheila for fixing Arnie’s spelling.

  STEVE JACOBSON

  TABLE OF CONTENTS

  FOREWORD

  Rob Hunter, PhD, Founder, Nevada Psychological Associates and Problem Gambling Center of Las Vegas

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  INTRODUCTION

  PROLOGUE

  1WHEELING AND DEALING

  2CRAFT AND GRAFT

  3BOTTOMLESS QUICKSAND

  4PAY FOR PLAY

  5ON THE BRINK

  6TEMPTATIONS AND TIP-OFFS TO TROUBLE

  7TWELVE-STEP RECOVERY FOR COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS AND THEIR FAMILIES

  8NEW LIFE

  9THE BIG PICTURE

  ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

  A WORD FROM STEVE JACOBSON

  FOREWORD

  THE TERM “LIVING LEGEND” is certainly overused, but still remains a valid descriptor for the rare and special individual.

  While those endowed with this title are usually popular celebrities—artists, athletes, and entertainers (and the occasional chef or skateboarder)—I believe that, in fact, living legends do exist, and sometimes in other, more important fields.

  Arnie Wexler is a living legend.

  He has spent all forty-six years of his recovery from gambling addiction embodying one of the most important tenets of twelve-step recovery, the Twelfth Step itself—reaching out to those who still suffer.

  The countless thousands of lives Arnie has touched is unmatched in twelve-step service work.

  Arnie’s work with addicted athletes and the sanctioning bodies that regulate athletics, such as the NBA, NFL, and NCAA, is similarly extraordinary.

  His proactive involvement with the growing gaming industry is also without equal. Serving as an advocate for those in need of assistance and understanding, Arnie has presented his knowledge of both the complex physiology underlying gambling addiction and recovery from the disease to executives at the helm of many of the country’s leading casinos.

  His good wife Sheila, whose experiences during Arnie’s gambling years represent family members impacted by the devastation of compulsive gambling, has joined him in his outreach efforts. As a couple they have worked with addicts and their families and trained over 40,000 casino workers on gambling addiction and its far-reaching consequences. As a result, they bring support and awareness to all whose lives have been affected.

  With an emphasis on family health, gaming industry education, the training tapes they have produced, and the seminars they have led internationally, Arnie and Sheila have set the standard for full recovery from the consequences of gambling addiction.

  In the many years Arnie and I have worked together professionally to treat gambling addicts and their families, he has endeared himself to me on several levels. I have lasting memories of both the difficult work he and I have done together and the tremendously fun times we have shared in the process.

  We met in 1986 through a significant mutual acquaintance—the late Robert L. Custer, MD, considered the “grandfather” of modern understanding of gambling addiction because his research convinced the American Psychiatric Association in 1980 to include it in their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

  Custer was my mentor at Charter Hospital, where I was clinical director for the gambling program, while Arnie was the doctor’s friend and an unofficial twelve-step fellowship consultant to us. For reasons of both professional interests and genuine personal rapport, we’ve since built an everlasting friendship.

  As a result, there are many facets of Arnie that I know.

  There is the nurturing and emotionally available Arnie who will always help a stranger in need. Always.

  There is the deeply sensitive and vulnerable Arnie who will share not just the strength and joy of his recovery, but the despair and agony of his active addiction to help others.

  And there is still a bit of the “Jersey wise guy” Arnie as well. This persona, I think, has served him well in his absolute refusal to back down from any challenge put between him and the help he brings to other gambling addicts and their families.

  Arnie is always available, responding not just emotionally, but physically, to gamblers still suffering. He is a good and loving man, but he is also a tough guy. He’s a guy tough enough to have survived the gambling story you are about to read and tough enough to make twelve-step calls that have involved canceling family plans, driving through blizzards, and facing the underbelly of gambling straight on. Arnie is tireless in his efforts to help others.

  He is alive with his desire to share the joyous freedom that his recovery has brought him, while still remembering well the horror of his late-stage gambling. When Arnie sees a new person walk into a twelve-step program for the first time, he remembers how he felt that first day he came for help.

  You are about to read the story of a legendary recovering addict.

  In the following chapters, Arnie explores the hope inherent in the recovery process after smothering in the hopelessness of worsening, ultimately ruinous, fallout from addiction to gambling.

  As professionals working within the recovery environment, Arnie and I know that whether rooted in substance abuse or a destructive behavioral practice, addiction is a cumulative and irreversible process. Like any other addiction, gambling addiction is a genuine physiological disease that can only be arrested, not cured. Yet, as Arnie explains so clearly in this book, arresting the addiction is not the end of the process—it is the beginning of a full and meaningful life.

  Arnie and Sheila also describe the development of the addiction process, sharing their own history, which started in their youth, developed during early adulthood, and carried destructively into their home and family life. The victimizing effects of gambling addiction on spouses and children are topics known all too well to Arnie and Sheila, and Sheila lends her voice to this topic from her own experience and perspective.

  The signs and symptoms of out-of-control gambling behavior that comprise addiction are also included here. As examples, Arnie shares stories of compulsive gambling within the world of professional sports that has dismantled the lives of numerous athletes.

  Among the most important components of this book, he provides guidance for entering recovery and describes how to seek it, what to expect within it, and what the addict can look forward to as a result of it. Sheila shares, in her own way, the healing benefits of the recovery process for families. Addiction is commonly defined as a family illness, and that means the family can recover as well, even if an addict does not.

  I am proud that
Arnie has produced this fine work with the help of Central Recovery Press, who chose to speak out about gambling addiction through his voice of experience.

  Like Arnie, the folks at Central Recovery, starting with its selfless founder Stuart Smith, embody the concept of going to great lengths, going that extra mile, to reach out and help others. Assisting those in need is the mission and the strength of Central Recovery, and I am as proud to be a member of that team as I am to call Arnie Wexler my dear friend.

  Let’s move on now, to “The Legend” speaking on the agony of gambling addiction and the joy of recovery from an addiction as real as any other.

  —Rob Hunter, PhD

  Consulting Psychologist, Las Vegas Recovery Center

  Founder, Nevada Psychological Associates and Problem Gambling Center of Las Vegas

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR all the support and help of so many who made this book a reality. A special thanks goes out to our many family members and friends. To those who struggle with compulsive gambling and those who love them, we want to say, “Don’t give up; there is hope.” That is why we wrote this book—to help those who still suffer.

  Special thanks go to our children and grandchildren for their support and encouragement, and their understanding of our time spent away devoted to helping others; Jerry Meltzer, Berine Waulkan, Monsignor Joseph Dunne, Frank F, Joe G, Bill B, Carl M, Marty T, Chuck Hardwick, Dan Heneghan, Doc Rena Nora, Carl Zietz, Rob Hunter, Rabbi Abe Twerski, Steve Perskie, Judge Tony Parrillo, Riley Regan, Phil Mushnick, Doc Ira Monka, Doc Mark Blum, twelve-step recovery groups and all the people in recovery, Florence L, Skip Matti, and Central Recovery Press, especially Patrick Hughes, their sales manager, and Daniel Kaelin, our editor.

  Thanks also to the late Robert L. Custer, MD, for his work that resulted in compulsive gambling becoming classified in the medical field as a recognized addictive disorder. He established the first inpatient program for the treatment of compulsive gambling in 1970 at a Veterans Administration hospital in Ohio. He helped organize a compulsive gambling treatment program at Johns Hopkins University. His 1985 book, When Luck Runs Out, written with Harry Milt, still rings true. Bob Custer was our friend and he is greatly responsible for our recovery and our dedication to helping people with this affliction.